Sunday, July 15, 2012

When You Were Born

You know what  all mothers say when they had their first born? They did not have any clue on what to do. From breastfeeding, to bathing, to taking care of a wailing and sick babe so she can be put to sleep. I felt then that I would not survive in all departments, sometimes even wished that you shut up for a short while so I can get some sleep.

(Sam's first photo taken twenty years ago)
 When you became a toddler, I asked myself not once what planet you came from. When I read you stories, you wanted me to hear your version's ending, cutting me off before the finish. You doodled almost every where.You loved watching TV so I was very selective on what shows you should watch. You also became very observant and careful with words. My sister instantly noticed how you did not answer immediately if the question seemed testy.  

Your Grandma told me you were very independent, not needing a lot of instructions and doting. In school she can leave you with her students with no fuss while she attended a short meeting.You took your studies seriously, effortlessly that you stood out in every class, in every competition. I remembered that time when you asked me what a gold medal looked like. I smiled. At a young age I knew you always aimed for the gold.

We did not always look eye to eye. Perhaps it was just my age or the generation nowadays.You were completely aware of my rules, respected every one of them because not doing so would mean an argument that you will not win. I maybe hard to live with sometimes but it was not also easy being your mother.

I also knew it was not easy being the eldest among six siblings who look up to you for almost every thing. Patience, attention and understanding multiplied by six, not to mention three of them were special kids. I knew there were instances that you almost wanted to snap, with such responsibility that was given yet  did not even ask. And perhaps you knew that I was not blind enough to see, deaf enough  to hear, the pain and struggle that you went through every day.

(One of my best loved pictures with Samantha)
We had gone a long way. At a glance you seemed like an ordinary girl but by far a lady with so much character. If dysfunctional families were words you have shunned, unconventionalism was one thing you had embraced. Books, classical movies, music, writing, photography, family, friendships and laughter all made up your world. As you journey through life, every adventure means conquering one's fears. And you know by heart that conquering ones' fears means facing it.

Looking you from afar, sometimes I cannot help but smile and ask where you got that spark, that free spirit. Looking back now, out of the many wrong decisions I had made in my life, one right deed stood out and that was having you.

(A daughter every mom would be proud of )

Seeing you now and what you had become was all worth it.

And I would not have it any other way.

(image credits to