I always knew that I am an artist. I may have known even then but chose to ignore it. I even grew up thinking that having very few playmates was okay. My dad, who happened to be a gifted musician was very choosy with my playmates. They have to be either relatives or somebody who at least come from respectable families. And when you say respectable, these are the non gossipers, create a scene drinkers, gamblers and social climbers. Our neighborhood was an ordinary one. We have our share of gossipers in the family, envious crab minded people, who had been jealous of us just simply because. Looking back I found that quite funny, mixed with sadness and gratefulness because it had shaped me and of how I chose to live my life today.
During family gatherings, we have our usual kissing of hands, being introduced to our relatives who just came from abroad or who reside in Manila. But I will always find myself alone in a corner reading a book. I would literally look for one and take it all the way home with my dad and cousin's permission given. Never have I thought that having few playmates or preferring to be on my own would affect me until now.
My kids grew up having few playmates because they cannot stand cheating when it comes to games. It may be kidstuff but to them that means a lot. And I respect that. Integrity does begins at home and so do politics, bribery and corruption. I was brought that way and so where my kids . They do not cheat, hate cheaters, and have a reputation for that. And the good thing about that was they do not care, even if that would mean they will have very few friends or even none at all. I have to admit its' hard. In my line of work where majority of agents would do everything to do fraud so they can earn a bonus, I would at times re think if I am still doing the right thing. If staying in the company that help me built my character was still worth it.
It took me less than 24 hours to recognize that artist in me that I have ignored for many years in exchange for earning an above minimum wage for the sake of my kids. I auditioned for a well known game show where I met a woman who turned out to be an artist and a blogger as well. We talked about a lot of things. Surprisingly our conversation made me forget that I have not slept for more than 20 hours and that my feet were already killing me. I even felt like a kid pouring my self into every story that I told her . I became to understand a lot of things about myself and why marriage did not work. In less than a day I had opened my heart to a stranger which does not happen everyday. With so many stories shared, she fearlessly told me to write again. I immediately expressed my hesitancy. I am not after all a writer and it had been more than twelve years. Without blinking , she added that as beginners, one does not write to have an audience. One writes to express who she really is.
That was the first and last time I saw her, We now only get in touch online which is not that often. With every post that I write comes the knowledge that she had and will be an inspiration. She had seen a part of me that I thought was gone , forgotten even , but she was able to regained that dormant artist by simply being herself.