I Must Have Done Something Good

It had been almost seven years ago when I decided to say goodbye from being a stay at home mom to a working one, a decision that was one of the most difficult ones I made in my life as I was torn if I was doing the right thing or not. A decision that did not just tore our family apart but one that was a turning point not just with my life but to my kids and my mom as well as I started from scratch with everything -  with work, parenting and learning to live with my decision day to day. Guilt, sadness and a sense of loss had haunted me not once and I have to admit until now. I sometimes feel that even though I have come a long way from the financially dependent and insecure plain housewife that I was to the secured and creative working mom that I have become, there were days that I cannot help but shed some tears of the times lost not being with my kids because I chose to work so I could provide them with their needs. Some days there is this gnawing need just to be with them, cooking and preparing their meals, keeping house, sharing stories and laughing out loud with all of them. Sadly those days had become less and fewer in between and I cannot help but feel guilty of it all. And when that happens I feel that I have become a bad parent , an unfit mom especially when I look at their pictures with happy faces without me  around.

Lately, I have been looking for inspiration with the blogs I read, with the people I meet. Lately more moms are deciding to work from home just so they could be with their kids. I cannot help but feel envious. Sadly I do not have that freedom yet as I have seven kids, three having special needs. With the medical and dental benefits I get from the company, not including the salary and tenure for being with them for almost six years I chose to stay. Though I am very much aware that my methods of parenting   should not be in any way considered as the right way, I am not also insensitive of the talks and stories I hear from strangers and from my kids who unintentionally become well known because of our unconventional family set up and siblings who have special needs. Until I found this inspiring message that conveys what I feel and how I handled my life as parent .

Source: specialchildren.about.com via Kristi on Pinterest

All of a sudden that guilt that has been clouding my days had now lifted, making me realize that every parent has a unique way of bringing up their children. Though the times spent with them can never be under estimated, as long as I will always make them feel they matter and loved no matter how short that time was will always be timeless and precious, enough to last me a lifetime.